Sometimes I just want to smack him upside the head.

we went to a funeral on Saturday. One of our friends, who has worked with hubby for years lost his sister. Our friends wife was telling hubby that her husband is behaving just like hubby was when he was working on the Freedom Tower. Yep, knew it. Hubby isn't the only one who has PTSD from this nightmare. I had to laugh when hubby started saying things like "he needs to go get help" Oh really? It took me 12 years to talk you into this and you had to dang near loose your family before you finally did. And he refuses to let that little tidbit of information out. He adamantly refuses to tell anyone, including the children, that he has been diagnosed with PTSD and is seeking help. It just boggles the mind. Does he really think that everyone around him doesn't know he's not sane? Does he think that we've somehow missed the fact that he's a completely different person than he was before? Does he think he's hidden his erratic, violent behavior? So, let me get this straight, you'd rather people think you're a raging jackass than they know you have a mental illness that you can and are getting help for? Boy, their brains really do think differently. So, this conversation he was having was something out of that body snatchers movie again. But then he said something that instantly ticked me off. He said that all his friends abandon him while on the job. That they didn't do right by him. Every time he says it I want to scream. And smack him upside the head. The crew were all under an unbelievable amount of pressure and stress on that job. And it went on for years. They were burned out. And I know for certain, sure that they stayed in hell as long as they did out of loyalty to him. They loved him and were loyal to him. And yes, by the end their behavior was unacceptable. But in their defense, they were burned out, and they were working for a raging jackass. He absolutely won't recognize they he had just as much to do with the ending of his friendships as they did. He thinks he has no responsibility here at all. Oh honestly!! Living with him gets so dang frustration. It's hard to fathom that he honestly doesn't see it. That his mind is so messed up that he thinks all this is someone elses fault. My job is going okay so far. I hate not being home in the evenings with the kids and this is a job for a twenty something not a middle aged housewife. He's doing okay so far with the kids. Making dinner every night for them. It's more work for me. The amount of planning and arranging I have to do to make sure their day goes smoothly has tripled. I'm waiting to see what happens when the honeymoon stage is over. When this isn't such a novelty anymore and he's handling homework, and projects and last minute cupcakes. When he has to attend concerts and plays and marching band events. Waiting for that other shoe to drop because I know it's coming. It always does. If you're out there reading this, know you're not alone.