I miss happy

Well, our anniversary went pretty well. We went to a football game and had a good time. But I noticed he doesn't get into the game the way he used to. He's not as animated as he used to be. Then it dawned on me he doesn't get into anything the way he used to. We used to do things like go out on a Friday and hang out, shoot some pool, talk with friends. We haven't done that in a long time. He just can't muster the energy to participate in things like that anymore. He's just kinda of going through the motions of living. I miss him being happy. I miss his laugh, I miss going out and playing with him. I miss being at ease around him. I miss watching him with our children. I miss my husband. I miss normal. I miss waking up every day and not having to wonder if it's going to be a good day or a bad day. I miss not living life like we're bracing for impact. I know that PTSD is something that can be controlled and we can learn to live with it. But I wonder what life will be like on the other side. I wonder what this is going to look and feel like on the other side. Whatever it is, it has to be better than this. I'll hold onto the memories of happy and hold onto the hope that one day he will be again. If you're out there, you're not alone.